Compromise: The “Slow Fade” to Gray

Dear Paul, although your question was directed to Renee, I would like to make a few points of my own. I am sorry if you have gotten the impression that the women on the site are seeking empowerment for male bashing. It actually takes ALOT of vulnerability to tell our stories of betrayal, and heartbreak, and actually say hey, I’m falling apart, I need a TOTAL stranger to help me out. It just so happens that all the perpetrators of our heartbreak are our husbands, who obviously are … well, men.

I do not think for a minute that women are less sexually sinful than men. Proverbs devotes many chapters to being on guard against the wayward WOMAN. So I honestly think that your perception of this site is misconstrued. While your post is zealous, if you dig a little deeper and actually read our stories, you’ll find that even in our hurt, our anger, and our confusion, we are leaning on a God who has proven himself faithful, kind, and loving, and has been provider and friend when our earthly mates have hurt us deeply; and in some cases, abandoned us.

Paul, I do hope that if you so desire, you find a wife who will be a very good helpmeet to you. And that your zeal for the Lord shines in this dark day. All I ask is that you consider each person with the same love and mercy as Jesus did when he died for them. It was Christ’s love that drew me, not his rules, not his standards. His love. While very few of us reflect God in the way we were meant to, I do see Him in the women on this site, for when I feel like hate and judgement would satisfy my pain, they instead encourage me to seek Christ, and to do so with careful thought. I am glad that you are working out your salvation and submitting your heart to Jesus as he delivers you from an addiction to pornography. I imagine that his disciples walked a very similar path as they worked out their salvation with Christ in person. I would encourage you, if I could, to temper your zeal with love, and see people in a gentler light. I heard a wounded Christian say recently, “I would rather be in a room full of wicked sinners than in a roomful of righteous Christians.” I think Jesus felt the same because he spent most his time the same way, and even chose to live with a rough crowd, but because of his love those men changed the world.

Not all women choose divorce. Sometimes our circumstances do not come because we have neglected God and His commandments. Sometimes sin isn’t the final answer in the equation. Hopefully, I am able to show forth a loving God, a faithful father, keeper of His promises. That even in my bad circumstances, he DOES keep His word. And hopefully the World will see Christ’s love through me as I forgive and respect my husband. So knowing that my marriage has been targeted by the enemy, would you pray that Christ intervenes? I trust that in your heart you do desire to do all that you can to usher in the kingdom of God. But mercy and love goes so much further, it’s a valuable tool to draw people to Jesus.

I have one question: why is this website dedicated to male infedility? Statistically, men and women (Christian or not) are JUST as likely to commit sexual sin; so what is your brainwashing agenda about when you only filter comments or posts to show male infidelity? Many women (Christian or not; married or not) struggle with the temptation to lust after men: it’s a natural thing when one is faced with stressful times in a relationship. Why do we see only male unfaithfulness here? And, before you tell me that men are ‘more likely’ to be at fault as far as I know Kinsey’s research showed that this is just not the case. Your site is giving both hurting married women and, unfortunately, unmarried women in or not in a relationship the ammunition they think they need to believe that ‘all’ men are pigs, dogs, skunks, sexual perverts and adulterous. How is your site, therefore, helping women and men? I myself am a virgin at 45 and male. Although I have struggled with porn it is not something God has been unable to deliver me from. I believe God wants all who wish to marry to take what Jesus said about marriage as seriously as He does: no sex before marriage; no sex with anyone but your spouse after marriage; and no excuses for getting divorced and remarried. Because we as Christians really fail in doing the will of God in this commitment which is heavily-targetted by Satan and his agents, we teach the world that God doesn’t mean what He says and, worse, that He is as wicked as we are. Please, get some more light and change your website! Although it’s very difficult in these last days to be of a pure heart when temptation is very immediate, it is our time to shine brightly for Christ and to have real marriages that are growing in the fertile soil of true love and friendship — not some fake ‘Christian’ marriage that neuters men, empowers secular feminists, and emasculates and corrupts born-again Christian men.

I’ve been married for 15 years with 2 kids. I’ve been sensing a detachment/ fading away for awhile now. My husband has been going to work at 3:00 A.M. and coming home 5:00 P.M. or later on the average. He willingly does that being paid salary, with no extra compensation. Just this last Thursday A.M. I was listening to the Early morning show on KFSH, when Steve Unru: Therapist was talking about communication. I didn’t get to ask a question that morning, but something he said hit a loud note with me. I decided to go to his website and post my comments/ question. He called me in the afternoon, and suggested that my husband initiates sex with me rarely because he is involved in porn, masturbating, or another woman. He suspects that if my husband is willing to get counseling by himself and with both of us present, issues could be dealt with (even his own family issues how they come into play with the walls he’s put up between us.) I’m asking the Lord for the next words I should say to my husband, daily. Last night, I said some, and this morning. A godly woman encouraged me to keep on being a godly woman and to ask God for my daily bread: what I need for today. It would be a break through for my husband to agree to going to counseling. Money is one hurdle that would have to be met, to have no inhibitions to begin this process. I’m hoping for God to convict him and for a way to be made. The Love Dare is a book I started reading before Tuesday, and it helps me to focus on being a Godly woman in my marriage, as it is. Emotionally, it helps.

Thank you for sharing this video. I know this is so true, I am living it! I pray that our children will remember to guard their eyes.