Join me for our next WifeBoat Online Support Group
May 18th-August 10th
Hear more about WifeBoat on Renee’s interview on Midday Connection with Anita Lustrea and Melinda Schmidt on Moody Radio
I’ve had many women ask me how they could possibly cope after finding out the devastating news that their husband had been using pornography, having an affair or feeling homosexual attractions. These grieving wives have often felt there was no place to turn to talk safely and openly about what they were dealing with. Family, friends, and career concerns have been some of the reasons why.
That’s why I started the WifeBoat Online Support groups. In the confidential setting of the groups, women from all over the country have felt the relief of being able to talk with others in the same situation and have received support, encouragement and insight.
Our 12-week program uses Biblically-based curriculum, including journaling questions designed to help each wife sort out her thoughts on grieving, boundaries, healthy re-bonding, forgiveness and trust. And as they do this, the group benefits from each other. Even though our groups have been made up of women from different states, different ages and different specifics, we have all felt the unifying effect of God’s presence during our meetings.
So if you need a place to work through the pain of a marriage in crisis, I invite you to join our newest group, which begins May 18th. To register, please follow the links to the left. Or, don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have.
Remember, you don’t have to go it alone. WifeBoat has a place onboard for you.
God Bless,
Renee Dallas, Founder, WifeBoat.com
I just want to let you know how very much I appreciated the group and your leadership. I will be praying for your new support group. God has used and is using you in a mighty way and I will be eternally grateful. – Group Participant
I am in need of some feedback/input…
My husband told me approx. 6 months ago that he has had fantasies about having sex with women whom he works with. He has never been unfaithful, only had the “thoughts” of being unfaithful. I let him know that that behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated in our marriage. I let him know asking me to trust him again after the trust was already broken was no easy task for me… I generally do not trust again once deceived. He assured me he was sorry and it would not happen again. Well, I thought we were past that and then about 3 weeks ago, I caught him watching Hooters Swimsuit 2010 on TV. Yes, that does not seem as bad as what other ladies have shared, but to me it hurts just as bad. You see, I was in our office in the next room studying for an exam to earn a degree in nursing in order to help financially provide for our family. I kept noticing the sound on the TV being muted from time to time, so I went in and caught him rather quickly changing the channel. The sad thing was at the time, I didn’t know which I was more mad about..the fact that he was intentionally being deceitful, or the fact that the situation caused me to lose complete focus of my studies.
The next week I was assigned a case study for my class as to figure out what disease my “patient” had. My “patient” was diagnosed with having the strain of HPV that causes genital warts. It was at that time my husband shared with me that he thinks that is what he has and was in the middle of an outbreak!!!! This is the first I had ever heard of this from him since we have been together..3 yrs.!!! He told me he had first noticed it 15 yrs. ago but ignored it as it is a virus that comes and goes. Therefore….no symptoms…therefore I knew nothing about it!!!
I am so in shock and angry that I am married to someone who has been so deceitful. Day to day is a roller coaster ride for me. One day I want to make it work, the next I want to leave him as to secure my heart from it ever happening again. I am not sure if I will ever trust him again, and am praying for guidance. One thing that bothers me most is I feel there are no consequences for his actions.. What does he feel daily?? I feel I am the one who is suffering the consequences of his behaviors, and the one who is constantly questioning when I am not in his presence. He has begun reading the book The Game Plan by Joe Dallas, so that is a start. I just am afraid he will put forth the effort to get us over this “hump”, then go back to previous behavior once things are “back to normal.” I am eager to receive any insight on this matter, as I feel I am torn with emotions about what to do.
Thank you to anyone who can help shed some light…
Shana,
You may love him, but did you think he was ready to be a husband? Did he say he was done with those past relationships? Or did he leave a loophole? I think sometimes these guys rationalize that maybe it’s not “technically” adultery if they’re attracted to the same sex when they’re married to a woman. I mean, if your husband had dated lots of women before you got married, would you accept him staying in contact with previous girlfriends afterwards? No. So what’s the difference here? You say you’re his best friend, but you need to be treated like his wife! And a wife should insist on faithfulness (and no prior girlfriends, or boyfriends for that matter).
I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m venting, cuz I probably am. But, this sounds a little scary to me. What about your sex life and STDs? Has he ‘acted out” with anyone? Is he in a Christian support group for SSA and does he have an accountability partner? Is he going to counseling? You need to know if he’s willing to do these things before you go much farther because you may be putting yourself at risk. God is bigger than his addiction, but God also wants us to be grown ups and take responsibility for our behavior. And us wives need to take responsibility for the way others treat us (respect us) and behave towards us. You might need to set some boundaries with him and get some support for yourself –otherwise being in it for “long haul” won’t pay off for you, girl!
I hope the best for you and that you can work this out with him. These are just the questions that I thought of.
I just within the last three months married by best friend who was gay for the past 10 years. It started after Bible college. We dated 7 years ago and he left me for a man then. I love him deeply. He wants to put this behind him although it is affecting almost every part of our marriage. He continues to remain in contact with all the men he dated.
Weekends are the hardest because he tends to start thinking in the homosexual lifestyle ways. Last weekend he went out with a friend he met 10 years ago and in the middle of it realized that’s not him anymore and he came home. I really need support and believe this may be a long haul. I do know God is bigger than this adddiction he has. I would love to hear from you your advice and well-needed prayers. Thank you.
Cheryl,
I’m glad you’ve found this website now, and I hope reading the comments of other women will help you in sorting out some of the things that you’re going through.
You just asked a huge question that can’t be simply answered in one post. Alot depends on why your husband came back, what his attitude towards your marriage is, if he has made a committment to address the issues that made him leave, if he has truly left the other relationship, and that’s just for starters.
One thing I would strongly suggest if you haven’t already done so: please ask your husband to get tested for STD’s and please be tested yourself. He has been involved with someone outside your marriage and you are at risk. Please do this as soon as possible, and take steps to protect yourself.
As far as other issues that involve trusting again, I would suggest contacting your pastor, or a Christian therapist to help you sort things out. WifeBoat has a support group starting up next week, and continues to have groups during the year,which may be beneficial to you. Resources I can recommend would be When Homosexuality Hits Home, Desires In Conflict and Gayle Haggard’s book, Why I Stayed. Please also check an earlier post and commets He Says He’s Sorry. You Still Don’t Trust Him and my husband’s counseling site at JoeDallas.com.
Cheryl, I hope that help give some direction to your question. Please stay in touch and let us know how you’re doing. -R
I wish I found your website earlier. Husband left me for his partner and now he is back. Where do I go from here. How do I trust again?