Paris Hilton’s New BFF

I was in an allergy coma from the onset of the Santa Ana winds the other day, which would explain why I switched channels to watch Paris Hilton’s new show, My New BFF.  In it, young women were competing Project Runway style for the privilege of being Paris’ New Best Friend Forever.  

Of course, Paris’ definition of Best Friend is different than most of ours.  Most of us assume there’s a certain mutuality that comes with friendship. But with Paris it’s a little one-sided.  In this show, friendship has definitely devolved into a shallow, self-serving proposition where
the goddess-on-high deigns which lowly wanna-be is suitable to worship her.

Friendship Elusive
Genuine friendship in our culture has become elusive and hard to define. Many of us have electronic interactions on Face Book, but those can’t possibly meet our needs for
RealFace time. RealFace time, though, is a challenge in our fast-paced lives, isn’t it? We hardly have time to sit down and pay bills, let alone sit down for a leisurely chat over dinner.  And if we’re going through a rough spot and are in need of a real and true friend, what happens if we haven’t taken the time to maintain our friendships?  It may be a little late to take auditions.

I was one of those people who looked up one day and wondered who I could lean on. The crisis in my marriage rocked my world (read my story here) and as things were falling apart around me, I realized I had very little support. I had grown isolated; my lifestyle had changed and I had stopped going to church, confining myself to work and home. Most of my longtime friends had gradually moved to other parts of the state and I hadn’t taken the time to build relationships to take their place.

But God in His grace placed people back in my life.  A friend I hadn’t heard from in years called and encouraged me to start singing again in an innovative type of worship community.  There I learned what community meant–shared values lived out together in sincerity.  The people there grieved with me and prayed with me; they let me talk and didn’t judge.  They even took me out to coffee and told me I looked pretty.  (My experience had me believe otherwise.)  They stood next to me when I had to make hard decisions and cheered me on.  What these new friends showed was Christ’s unconditional, selfless love in practical ways.  Because of what they did, my heart healed and I grew stronger and more confident in Christ’s work in me. I developed deep friendships and learned to serve others with the comfort I had received. (II Corinth 1:3-7)

Often, due to life’s circumstances and choices we find ourselves much like the characters on Gilligan’s Island. They went through an unexpected storm and landed on an uncharted desert isle.  They wanted to break their isolation but did not have the resources to build the boat to get back. And so they sat there for years, stuck.

ASK and you shall receive
So in the interest of getting unstuck, let me suggest a simple guideline to help you in cultivating the friendships you need.  If you follow these three simple steps, you’ll be on your way to navigating off the uncharted island and into civilization. I like to put it this way: 

A-  Ask.  You can’t get what you want if you don’t ask for it.  Friends don’t drop out of the sky, and people can’t read your mind.  Sometimes asking means just showing up.  Show up for the next support group meeting or women’s Bible study group. If it’s a safe place, let people into your life.  And, if you don’t know where to find such groups, check with your pastor, or the Celebrate Recovery website, (Find a group), or local women’s Bible study groups. Take responsibility for finding a safe place to go, ask a trusted friend out to lunch, or seek prayer with your small group at church.  If you don’t ask you won’t receive, and getting off that uncharted island will become harder and harder. 

S -Support.  Friendship is mutual.  As you receive support, don’t forget to give support.  The Apostle Paul tells us that when we are comforted by God we become a channel by which God’s comfort flows to others:

 “For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation.  If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.”  II Corin 1: 5-6

There’s nothing more freeing and validating to our own journeys than getting outside of ourselves and serving others in this way.  Just make sure you’re not serving to cover up your pain.  You need to be open and real to let the comfort-flow happen!

K- Kinship. Kinship means having the same origin, affinities, qualities and nature.  Believers have this relationship with each other through Jesus Christ.  We are called friends (John 15:14) brothers (Hebrews 2:11-12) and children (I John 3:1-2) of God.  We are unified in one Body because His Spirit dwells in us by our mutual faith. (I Corinth 12:4-7)  We hold core values of truth according to what His Word teaches us. When these relationships are operating as they should, we will never be alone. 

So be sure that the people you fellowship with and invite into your journey share your faith and core values in Christ.  Don’t allow exceptions because you’re desperate… make sure you are bound in friendship by truth and faith.

The Ultimate Friend
As a Christ follower, I have only to look to Him for guidance on the character of a true friend.  I’m thankful He doesn’t take auditions for who He chooses to be His friends.  He said, “Whosoever will, come.” When I came I found a friend who stuck closer than a brother, promised He’d never leave or forsake me, and invited me into His eternal family.

Oh, and Paris, if you stopped by to read this…Jesus isn’t impressed with or put off by celebrity, though He sure loves celebrities.  And though He doesn’t do auditions, He does stand at the door and knock, His invitation is a standing one, and He would love to be your New BFF.